Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
