i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
pop tarts are not kleenex
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Randomize
