Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
