Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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