so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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