In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
