Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
