Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
