omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
