well I can't set my house on fire every night
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
