6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
Dick very happy bro
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
