The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Randomize
