yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Randomize
