I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
