Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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