he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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