K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
