He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
all i remember was her shitting herself and asking me to call her parents.....i so didn't. when i woke up she was gone and left a note saying "we will be lovers forever"
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
