well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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