Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
