OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
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