I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
