i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
The adults are the big ones right?
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
