so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
