I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
