I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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