I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Randomize
