Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
