I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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