and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
