what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
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