My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
