Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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