Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
