Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
So gin and wine won't be happening again
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
