i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
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