my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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