Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Randomize
