Soap is not a condiment
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
