Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
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