my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
My pussy is not your playground.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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