Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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