Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
