I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
