You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
What drink are we having for lunch?
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
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