my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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