She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
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