and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
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He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
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Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
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