I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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