Just fell off a train. Bad.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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