so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
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