I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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