Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
Randomize
