You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
