my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
did you just send me my own nude
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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