What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
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