I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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