There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
