Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Randomize
