No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize