I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Randomize
