she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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