dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
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