You're completely useless in the revolution.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
