So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
