dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
