Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
