Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
