My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
