I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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