For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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