I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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