MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
