using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
i came on her dog
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Last thing I remember is Dusty riding the bikes we "borrowed" from the hotel through the CVS while the rest of us picked up the girls who were laughing at him
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
