Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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