it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
what is it with giant penises always finding me
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
