so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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