____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I see more hoeing in ur future
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