just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
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