rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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